Manipulation is when they always mess with your mind by blaming you for reacting to their toxic behaviour, but never discuss their disrespect that triggered you.
People may not always tell you how they feel about you, but they will always show you. Pay attention.
Unknown
sleeping at last
& when your heart sinks,
remind yourself
of their hateful words /
the actions
that never lined up
with the nice ones /
remember the choices
that resulted in
your shattered pieces
created so
mindlessly /
anxiety is
the biggest
heartless bitch /
why?
because she’s
t i m e l e s s /
stop lying to yourself
she says
stop pretending
that everything
is fucking perfect…
ANTITHETICAL
it’s appalling,
the mere thought
of being compared
to something
so revolting,
so grotesque,
hm, perhaps a four, at best?
i digress
perhaps one four
is more your speed /
you’re finally at ease
all the dirty little secrets
tucked away
beneath your knees /
feeling eighteen again?
at least now
you have
one friend /
i wish you
the best of luck
playing the part
that made us fall…
madman // i’m scared
madman // i’m scared
my heart
goes out to you /
it must be hard
to have so much hate
built up inside a body
that hates you
even more
than your own mind /
it must be so hard
to bear the weight
of that white privilege
that mistakes
my intelligence
as a caucasian element /
it’s oozing, you’re boozing
pills, tabs, dabs
you had it all /
you’ve found
another bottle
somewhere
i thought i hid…
et tu, brutus?
it’s pitch black
we’re back to back
my trust
is whole-heartedly
in you /
& it was
for so long /
from start
to finish
i confided
in you /
every detail /
my good, my bad
my dirty, my ugly
the shame,
the sacrifices /
& you had two choices:
choose me
or
choose yourself
i do believe
you made your choice
forever ago
sometime /
are you happy now? /
now that everyone
has watched…
walking into the unknown
walking into the unknown
the nights when I’m all alone are the hardest. they’ve always been.
I can never get far enough away from my thoughts, & I guess that’s a good thing because lately… I’ve been shoving a lot of things to the side & completely disregarding important things.
for one, my depression is back in full force. no longer do I have anything or anyone to distract me.
for two, my parents are trying to work…
recovery
life is like a one way track
always forward
never back
…
i’d like to say
i saw this coming but
truthfully,
i did not
…
even if i could change
anything that’s happened,
i wouldn’t.
god, i wish, i wish,
but i wouldn’t.
…
i never could have dreamed
of this life going
so far off track
like that.
…
but thankfully,
i’ve crawled my way
day by fucking day
back to this reality
back…
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